An hour or so ago, we finished our 9th session.

Wow.

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Four months ago, you would’ve had a hard time convincing me that I was going to meet an incredible group of Christian men at this more-than-usual Jewish school. Coming from strong,  structured Christian fellowship in undergrad, I thought more  along the lines of “oh,I’m sure I’ll at least be able to get by spiritually.” I didn’t come in with too high an expectation in this aspect of  my life.

I’ve experienced fellowship before, but not like this. More specifically, I didn’t know brotherhood could be this soul-feeding.

I love being around these guys. Their stories, their thoughts, their struggles. It’s becoming more and more our stories, our thoughts, and our shared struggles. The ideas these guys come up with to strengthen our relationships with God, our families, our classmates, and each other. And the passion and encouragement we give one another to see those ideas turn into a reality. I love it! I come away from these times together revived and excited.

God, thank you for the people you’ve put around me.

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RECAP OF THE LAST TWO WEEKS

HOUSE CALL

One Monday, I followed a doctor who makes house calls. Literally makes house calls! She carries two big bags plus a laptop. I think almost all her patients are bed-ridden or can’t easily get to the hospital. Many of them only speak Spanish. And you know what’s really sick? Her Spanish is mad fluent! …and she’s Jewish! Inspiration right there.

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ECF RETREAT – DEC 2-4

Last year, they didn’t have a retreat. [Some background info: at Einstein, almost all the officers/leaders of the clubs are 2nd years. Why? 3rd years are consumed in hospital rotations, 4th years are interviewing for residency, and 1st years...are 1st years]. So mad props to our second year ECF leaders who planned and ran a retreat from scratch. Our speakers were a couple who spent 2 years in Tanzania who helped establish an HIV/AIDS clinic for children. Since we’re all MD,PhD, or MD+PhD students who don’t get to spend time together often, it was an awesome time of community building.

(pictures taken from Jeff Cheng without permission)

As always, the kids are adorable, especially the 15 month old baby boy. The adults are interesting, too. Though most of them lean a slight bit east on the fob-twinkie spectrum, their English is fine. They’re white collar and haven’t experienced hardships in their youth like wars or famines (unlike some of our parents).

It’s not a stretch to say that they’re me in 15 years. So seeing them, their family dynamics, the way they raise their kids, I occasionally wonder, “is this a preview of what my life will be like?”

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But I digress.

I shuffled tonight between the dining room where the adults sat around the table sharing and listening and the family room where half the kids/toddlers were.

The other half ferried their noise back and forth, between the dining room and the family room. They were like Energizer bunnies that came pre-programmed with a route of my house.

In one trip, I tried to get as many of the kids together and show them how to make a paper crane to keep them quiet so that their parents could have undisturbed fellowship.

My origami students were four kids, ages 4,7,7, and 8. Step by step, I showed them how to fold the crane. And step by step, I did half the folding for them. Often, the kids wrestled for attention or had a hard time with the folds.

Finally, we finished. All four kids in my “class” had paper cranes.

About 10 minutes later, the 4 yr old boy asked if he could have the crane I folded in addition to the one he (read: I) had folded. I said, “sure”.

Immediately, another boy (not in the origami tutorial) said “no, I want it.”

I asked the 4 yr old to give the other boy one of his two cranes. I even tried to appeal to his inner desire to be the bigger man. Turns out he had no such desire.

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At the end of the night, once everyone had left, guess what I saw on the dining room table?

2 paper cranes scattered among wine glasses and disposable plates. I can’t be 100% sure that those 2 discarded cranes belonged to the 4 yr old, but they very well might’ve been, and they certainly lost value to some child or another.

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The above story doesn’t make me cry. It is not touching at all.

It just made me wonder how similar I am to that 4 yr old. There are only a few differences. Instead of paper cranes, it’s popularity, strength, wit, charm. Instead of wanting 2 cranes, it’s wanting 2 helpings of these things when others have one. Instead of being mesmerized by the crane for 30 minutes, it’s being mesmerized for days, months, years. And even if the infatuation lasts a lifetime, that’s still only a second in the scheme of eternity. So either way, my infatuations are shortsighted and fickle.

For the boy, the crane didn’t really interest him much. He clearly said “but I want two.” He just wanted to have more than his sister and the other kids. Am I so different?

And even though I identify this fault in me today (and probably have a few times before), won’t I fall for this trick again?

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I do not mean to sound depressing. This is just a part of life! It is human to be so foolish as to fall again and again for the same things.

This might be one of the hardest things for me in being a Christian: to remember and beLIeVE in the truth that God accepts and loves me despite my foolishness. And this is possible because Christ’s righteousness covers (NOT transforms) my foolishness.

A lot of condemnation and guilt I experience is self-made. Time to be freed from it. And I need this reminder daily.

Had a short week of school, and I write to you now from my bed in noVA.

It’s always fun to catch up with the old man when he picks me up from Union Station in D.C. Today was no different. He surprised me at tonight’s pickup, though. He’s caught on that I get the munchies after the long bus rides from NY. He had hweh-dup-bap (rice w/ sushi) ready for me at home. sweet old man.

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three quick, random thoughts:

ONE: I KEEP GETTING SCHOOLED BY MY YOUNGER FRIENDS.

Recently, my Google Readings have been humbling me in a great way. I read some posts and think, “woah, I didnt know they had that in them. that’s deep. Man, my thoughts are so self-centered.” Just saying, they are excellent reminders that spiritual maturity is independent of age. This is obvious, but yeah.

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TWO: THE MORE I’M THINKING ABOUT DOING SOMETHING, THE LESS I’M ACTUALLY DOING IT

Pretty self explanatory…and again, pretty common sense. There’s only so much I can plan (or brainstorm or let the project simmer in my head) until all the mind farts becomes an unpleasant, elaborately justified smokescreen of procrastination. Live in the present, John. Plan reasonably for the future without compromising trust in God to guide you.

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THREE: KDRAMAS AGAIN

I think I averaged 1 Korean drama/year throughout college. Lo and behold, it looks like that trend’s holding steady. I’m watching A Tree w/ Deep Roots right now. The verdict is in: this drama is sick.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Time to breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

I haven’t updated in a while. It’s because of some mix of the following: (1) I’m not motivated enough that weekend to update and (2) I tell myself I’ll wait until Sunday to update since I want to include that weekend’s happenings, but then Sunday studying gets the best of me.

A quick breakdown of highlights from this past month or so (in chronological order):

1. Stethoscope Ceremony. The Alumni Association bought us all sweet stethoscopes. We are to learn how to use them in Intro to Clinical Medicine (ICM) along w/ how to interview patients.
2. first Men’s Fraternity meeting. A handful of us preclinical med students started this accountability group. We meet weekly, and it’s great to pursue a common personal goal together. I highly recommend it.
3. UVA visit. It was awesome to see college friends again. The 1st yrs I knew aren’t high-energy, curious 1st yrs anymore. Some things are just as I remember. Others are different, with new leadership in GCF and the next step in friends’ lives. Didn’t really get to catch up with fellow 2011′s, though.
4. Mansu in NY. Minsu came up for UVA’s spring break. We caught up over lunch and Hungarian pastries. Conclusion: screw the hype. Next time, we’re getting bingsoo instead.
5. Baltimore Half Marathon. Despite not training much, I’m happy with how I ran. At mile 3, Jason found me and we finished the race together.
6. March of Dimes w/ James. On my weekend home for the race, my brother asked me if I wanted to watch a movie! Bah! He likes me!
   
7. Greenwich Village w/ Charity. After a round of exams, I hung out with Charity in the Village (pronounced GREH-nich). Having only been to really touristy NY spots, I didn’t know the city could look so clean and upscale.
8. Anatomy Lab. Just finished our first week dissecting. 2.5 hrs/day on your feet cutting through fat, separating muscle layers, and palpating (touching) just about everything. The human body’s complex. God is a genius.

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SHORTSIGHTED LIVING

In one of our Men’s Fraternity meetings, the topic of vision came up. It came up in the context of how a lot of men don’t have clearly defined, long-term goals that they’re passionate about. As a result, they’re directionless. I often feel the same way, and a huge reason why I joined this MF group is to flesh out (1) what defines manhood and (2) what are my goals in life. Living day in and day out feeling directionless is like constantly feeling like I didn’t get enough sleep and being susceptible to jumping from one idea or fad to another. I think that’s a big reason why I wrapped myself in being premed my college years. It was defined. It had an end goal.

Nowadays, I can’t look beyond the next quiz or the next test. When I reflect on the state of my QTs these past two months, I can see I’ve done them consistently, but I feel I’m no closer to God nor know Him any better than I did before. I’ve made this mistake of shortsighted living a lot.

Relationships with God are never meant to stay stagnant. A mystery of God is how He’s limitless and there’s always more to learn and appreciate about Him. Otherwise, He’d be one lousy God    So whether I’m the noob I am or the God-centered man I hope to be, there’s no such thing as having too much of God.

When June hits, I don’t want to look back on my first year in med school and think “Wow, what a waste.  A year’s passed,  but I still have the same questions, the same struggles, and no growth in God. I know a bit more medicine, but otherwise, nothing’s changed.” That would be…yeah.

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Something on my mind these days is “what specialty should I do?” I tone down my real level of curiosity when I talk with friends about this because I know it’s absurd to think incessantly about that already.

And this obsession hits me in waves. When it crests, I stupidly associate everything to specialty choice (e.g. “I can’t separate the traps from the rhomboid muscles. guess I can’t be a surgeon”). And then the foolishness of it all brings me back to normal.

And times like now, when I do catch myself going overboard, I think:

“John, do you care about living your life with an eternity perspective as much as you do about your career? As important as this med stuff is, does it make sense for your mind to be so focused on this instead of on heavenly things? Not to the point of neglecting, but really, where do your treasures lie?”

I won’t write about the exams or studying for the exams… because that is boring.

On Friday after our histology exam, a bunch of us went into the city for lunch. Indian buffet for the win! It was the Brick Lane Curry House in East Village. Tried mango fish curry and other stuff for the first time.

After that, I tagged along w/ a friend to check out the city. Our afternoon was my edumacation of the city.

We walked  south down Broadway and checked out SoHo, Little Italy, and Chinatown. Fun facts I learned that most people probably already know:

• SoHo means “south of Houston”. Houston (pronounced HOW sten) is a street that runs sideways, perpendicular to Broadway. Therefore, SoHo is the neighborhood south of Houston. Tada! It’s got a bunch of shops mostly.

• NoLita means “north of Little Italy”. Also another neighborhood/area.

• Little Italy’s in the middle of a 2-week (or so?) celebration called the Feast of San Gennaro. The main street down Little Italy’s closed to traffic and all the stores set up booths and outdoor seating areas. Walking through, I smelled and saw a bunch of pizza, sausages, cheeses, etc.
• Chinatown, which is mainly on Canal St is creeping into Little Italy.

• Manhattan’s Chinatown’s more Cantonese, whereas Flushing/Queens’ Chinatown’s more Mandarin.

• Apparently, Manhattan’s Little Italy isn’t as great as tourists would expect. Friends have told me it’s kind of a tourist trap? If you want better Italian food, come to Arthur Ave in the Bronx which is another Little Italy.

The whole time, my friend and I had an awesome conversation. Unfortunately, my attention was all over the place as were my eyes because of all the new things I was seeing.

Stuffed from the Indian buffet lunch and a Nuts4Nuts cart, I couldn’t sample any Little Italy food. Instead I bought half a roasted duck in Chinatown and got it to go.  :)   very oily, though

MOVIE NIGHT

One of my classmates is this really cool guy who grew up in Ghana. A bunch of us ECF people went over to his apartment Friday night to watch a movie called Facing the Giants.

My friend, his wife, and his 2 year old daughter hosted us until midnight and we talked and talked. His childhood in Ghana, his experience w/ men’s accountability groups in the past, their experience delivering their first baby, their thoughts on home births, how they met. All while eating homemade brownies and homemade frozen yogurt. Twas awesome!

HALF MARATHON – 4 WEEKS AWAY

I’m running the Baltimore half marathon instead of the full as I’d originally planned. I just had to downgrade – my training was nonexistent.

I’m still really lazy about running! Part of me kind of wants to just wing it, just out of curiosity and laziness. Another part of me knows I’d probably waddle for a week afterwards if I did.

I just found out that each borough of NYC has a half marathon sponsored by the NYRR (New York Road Runners). So that’s 5 total: Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island.

What’s cool is that NYRR is the group that organizes the NYC Half Marathon (March) and the …. *drumroll*  ….. ING NYC Marathon (November). For anyone who doesn’t know, a lot of people call the ING NYC Marathon the most exciting marathon. Crazy crowds (2 million spectators), live music, the course runs through all 5 boroughs, finish line in Central Park, I hear it’s awesome. If I can, I’m going to check it out this November.

The NYRR has this goofy guaranteed entry program where if you run 4 of the 5 halves, you bypass the lottery to get a spot in the NYC Half, and there’s another guaranteed entry program for the full marathon (9 NYRR sponsored races in a calendar year + 1 day of race volunteering).

Before I found out about this, I thought there were only two ways to get into the NYC Marathon:

• Be fast enough to qualify (I think)
• Get a lottery spot

I have no shot of getting into the NYC Marathon before clerkships begin my 3rd year, buttttttt I can still do this guaranteed program thing for the NYC Half Marathon before I hit the wards!

A picture from the Half (which also goes through Manhattan!) taken from nyrr.org

So yeah. I want to run the NYC Half

ECHO FREE CLINIC

Today was my first day volunteering at ECHO (Einstein Community Health Outreach) Free Clinic. I signed up for the semester to do Front Desk work – mainly answering the phone, scanning referral letters and test results, scheduling patients, admin stuff like that. I also tried out my Spanish over the phone w/ a Spanish-only speaking patient. After a few sentences, I gave up and handed the phone over to a student interpreter. Must improve mi espanol!

It’s not as glorious as other positions in the clinic like shadowing the clinical team or being in Labs (where you get to draw blood constantly), but I chose Front Desk ’cause I wanted a sense of the flow/logistics of day-to-day operations at a free clinic.

Patient comes in, checks in, immediately gets scheduled to meet a social worker, etc etc. Just learning a few of the many things non-doctor members of the healthcare team do, and the annoying stuff they deal with. Twas great

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So I woke up for clinic at 7am and got back around 3:30. After some napping, QTing, and munching on a hero from the deli across the street, I’m at the library….finally. (I love going to a pass/fail school!)

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IN THE LIKENESS OF GOD

It’s so easy to get caught up in my daily life happenings to forget that the end of it all is not 70ish years down the road, but in fact – that there is no end. Basically, it’s hard to keep the right perspective in terms of time and focus. Eternity and God. Not a few decades and me.

In the Likeness of God (Philip Yancey, Paul Brand) is a book I got from my old man many years ago. It’s a book Yancey wrote with orthopedic surgeon Paul Brand, who spent most of his career in India treating leprosy patients.

The book’s divided into smaller books kind of how the Bible is divided into Genesis, Exodus, etc. Except these smaller books are called “Cells”, “Bones”, etc. And in each book, you have ~10 page chapters called things like “Unity”, “Mutiny”, “Loyalty”.

I read a 10 page mini chapter or two at night before going to bed, and it’s such a money way to appreciate God in the crazy beautiful way he designed the human body from the organ systems all the way down to cellular level.

The book is basically Dr. Brand’s reflections on how Christ’s analogy of the Church being like a body is indeed true. The book’s packed with factoids of how awesome the human body is and how Christ’s body resembles it.

For this med student who wants to seek after The Best Thing, this book is so awesome. John Piper describes C.S. Lewis as having brought together concrete logic and creativity, two seemingly opposite things. I feel the same way about this book. It’s not science vs. God. It’s science within God, from God, and for God (a play off of Romans 11:33-36).

And I’ll end with this quote. It’s written on one of many glass displays along the entryway to one of the main buildings on campus.

“It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure.”

-Albert Einstein

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Whether this quote relates to what I said, you decide. Either way, the lesson for me today is: sleep, then eat, and you’ll feel wide awake to write a blog post and study

PICS I SHOULD’VE POSTED TWO WEEKS AGO

lecture hall

free ikea desk. same setup as undergrad

matching desk attachment I decided to use as a bookshelf

11th floor. 28 total.

nightstand's view

what should've been the living room

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So yeah. My room is sweet. Especially since I have that impromptu dry erase board, you’d think I’d study really well in my room, right?On the contrary. I tried the library this past week. It’s money. It’s like my mental focus is amplified by all the legitimately studious people around me. The only thing around me in my room is snacks, the kitchen, and the bathroom. Library study from now on.

And my room’s giant. They were supposed to put up a dry wall to split the space into my bedroom and the communal living room, but New York’s got this law about every room being required to have a window, soooooo…yeah. I got my rent due notice in the mail. It’s cheaper than living at Crossroads back in Charlottesville. I think I’m okay with that.

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.U.S. OPEN TENNIS CHAMPIONSHIPS TODAY

took over an hour by subway to get to the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center in Flushing Meadows-Corona Park, Queens, NY

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I got to go check out the U.S. Open today. The weather was really good, and it was nice to be in the middle of all that pro-level tennis play, hopping court to court to check out different players. I didn’t take any pictures of that part, but we also got to see Mardy Fish def. Kevin Anderson, Juan Monaco def. Tommy Haas, and a bit of Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova def. Jelena Jankovic.

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It was a bit annoying not being able to go into Arthur Ashe Stadium where Roger Federer was playing at one point and where Serena Williams was playing at another. The high price tag for Ashe Stadium access was a giant tease.

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Overall, I’m glad I went. I definitely enjoy playing more than watching, and I don’t think I’m going to the U.S. Open again anytime soon…unless I have Ashe Stadium access and a Grounds Admission Evening pass

besides this, I saw men on stilts, balls played in actual U.S. Open matches sold for $10, that giant tennis ball people get autographed sold for $40, samosas sold for $7.50. Prices are more ridiculous than amusement parks.

We got Grounds Day Admissions Passes (11am-7pm) that lets us wander in and out of any game at any court throughout the entire day except Arthur Ashe Stadium.

2 of the 4 friends I went with. At Smash Zone, a kid-friendly area that adapts tennis so that American youth grow up to love the sport. Bryan and Raj are both Cali natives.

Mercedez Benz is probably the U.S. Open's biggest corporate sponsor. They were offering to take free pictures of spectators with their pretty cars, fooling us into telling them whether we plan to buy or lease a MB in the future.

Waiting in front of one of the entrances to Louis Armstrong stadium to watch Janko Tipsarevic v. Tomas Berdych. Since the matches are televised, they let people enter/exit the stadium only at changeovers. It's kind of like merging onto the highway from a traffic light-regulated exit ramp. As soon as we entered, Berdych retired (probably b/c of his shoulder). Lame.

So instead, we went next door to the Grandstands, where Francesca Schiavone was playing Chanelle Scheppers. Schiavone's one of the few women who uses a one-handed backhand. Beautiful.

They went into a tie break in the second set! Schiavone won it (not shown). Twas happy

At the outer courts, we saw some matches for juniors, doubles, etc. I was surprised to see this guy - Somdev Devvarman. He was on the UVA Tennis Team a few years ago! I saw him play in college and the U.S. Open

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IN OTHER NEWS

School’s going pretty well. Learning lessons about how to study everyday. Being humbled by how slow I learn and how smart my classmates are everyday, too

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Last week’s hurricane postponed the plans to go into the city to check out a church. Instead, we had a solid time of worship at one of the ECF officers’ apartment.

Tomorrow, we’re going in the city for church. Time to get a feel for what’s out there in terms of a new spiritual home base.

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Labor Day will be exactly that; I will labor. Didn’t do any studying yesterday and today. Another histo quiz on Tuesday. Gotta get my act together.

But it’s okay. I made my first batch of hummus since moving in

Drove up from NoVA at 7am, got to my apartment around noon. Unpacked.

Phantom of the Opera on Broadway

Times Square

Phantom of the Opera was sweet. My first Broadway show! It’s definitely endurance entertainment, though. Altogether, the show took 4 hours or so. I met my roommates, too. A PhD candidate from North Carolina and a fellow MS1 from L.A. We’re all the same age, but Einstein’s really diverse. We’ve got a whole bunch of students who are married, have kids, worked in finance, international students, etc. Plus, Einstein’s one of the few schools that observe Jewish holidays and run a dining hall following kosher food laws. So, we have a good number of orthodox Jews. The orthodox Jews I’ve met have all been really friendly and so open to answer my questions about their religion and culture. Sounds dorky, but I’m excited to learn more about different cultures these next few years.

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WEEK ONE

Monday through Wednesday was orientation. Every faculty member and speaker said “welcome to Einstein!”, all us first years exchange intros trying to remember each other’s names, and the food! They fed us really well 3x/day.

The whole class took the MBTI and a professional came in to teach us how people of different profiles prefer to communicate and work together. I went from a ISTJ in college to a INFJ here. So I’m still a silent judger, but I guess I’m a bit softer now? Who knows how reliable this is.

In the middle of orientation, the school put our whole class on the Circle Line boat tour of (I think) upper west side Manhattan. There was music, there were drinks, there was Lady Liberty, there were bridges, there were city lights. It was pretty sweet

Thursday was the first day of actual class. For us, we do Histology and Genetics first. I’m starting to warm up to Genetics (depending on the lecturer), but Histology’s much more interesting. I just wish we didn’t have to go through so much material so fast. We did cell structure and filaments on one day, and a classmate said it was like doing 1/3 their cell bio course from college.

Last weekend, I took the train into the city with a few friends. I didn’t plan it, but we went to K-Town to eat. It was five of us: Viet, Taiwanese, Jewish, Indian, and Korean (me). We shared our dishes family style. I’d tried the dishes a billion times before, but eating Korean food with some first-timers was something else. That night, we went to H-Mart in K-Town, Times Square, and Bryant Park.

On Sunday, I took the bus to a local church. It was a predominantly Black and Hispanic church of about 200 people. I’ve never attended a worship service like that before. Praise was different, ushers walked down the aisles with Kleenex boxes, people so dynamic and vocal (during worship and the sermon), and an original Christian rap song performed by a young woman during the offering time. I took the 15 minute walk back after church feeling “that was new” in a good way and wondering which church I’d end up calling home these next few years. Will I find a church in the Bronx or in the city? Will it be fellow young 20 somethings or an older bunch? Will it be mostly Asian Americans like I’m used to or more ethnically diverse? I’m still working that out now.

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WEEK TWO

This past week of lectures did not wait for me to catch up! The past few days, I’ve been getting better about studying daily, which is the opposite of my last year and a half in college. We do clicker questions in class, and it’s been showing me how little I know and how much smarter my class as a whole seems to be. Humbling, and very good for me in many ways I’ve accepted that (1) I don’t retain new material on the first go and (2) post-breakfast food coma/dozing in general is just not an option. A faculty member showed us this in telling us tips to study. Thought this was worth sharing.

This week was also the interest group meeting for a lot of clubs on campus. And what’s an interest group meeting without food? But even the club food here is awesome. No pizza here. Instead, I’ve had Indian food, Chinese food, and a lot of ice cream.

I learned how to draw blood! On Phlebotomy Night, we paired up and stuck each other. hahahahah. Tis fun A few people got lightheaded, though.

I met some Christians on campus at the Einstein Christian Fellowship (ECF) welcome meeting, too. It was nice to identify fellow believers in my class and meet upperclassmen believers, too.

This week, we also had our White Coat Ceremony.

So my plans for this weekend are really exciting. I’m…going…to…..*wait for it*…study! yay!

Because next weekend, I’m going here.

Stay safe this weekend. Hurricane Irene.

This post isn’t about my first week here, though. That’ll be next week. This might sound lame, but this post is about what I’m doing to make the next four years easier for me: time management. (I know the title makes little sense, but it’s okay.)

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Over the summer, I disabled LeechBlock. But that was summer, when I could wake up at lunch and sleep at dawn.

But it’s different now, you know? Classes start at 8:30.

And you know what? I love it.

For now at least. We’ll see.

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So anyway, these are some of the online things that distract me most (in no particular order):

• facebook
• google reader
• this blog
• gmail

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So, this is my setup right now:

• Leechblock: blocks facebook, greader, and this blog Sun-Thurs.
• Gmail: automatically filters facebook notification and blog-related emails to skip the inbox and mark as read.
• Gmail: automatically filters emails from non-med friends, labels them “reply to friends”, and makes them skip the inbox. I’ll read and reply to these emails Fri-Sat.

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I’m going to try this for a while.

Four years of college showed me that I have a hard time LeechBlock-ing gmail. There’s always some school or personal email I feel I have to read or send quickly, so it’s more practical to always keep gmail and gcal open. Now, I figure that I’ll just make sure that I can’t see non-urgent social/personal emails until the weekend.

This means that my usual responses to emails, wall posts, blog comments, funny fb pics, your blog (if you have one) will probably be delayed. Also, I’ll only be posting on Fri-Sat.

I really like all the things listed above, and they’re not bad things. But since I don’t have enough self-control, I’ll start here.

That doesn’t mean I want people to stop contacting me! Probably one of the worst things is losing contact with friends and family from back home and college. To those of you who’ve reached out to me these past few weeks, thank you so much.

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THE BIG PICTURE REASON

Brethren, if you are ever so much taken up with any enjoyment that it takes away your love for prayer or for your Bible. . . . then you are abusing this world. Oh! Sit loose to this world’s joy: the time is short.

-McCheyne

I don’t know much about McCheyne, but I’ve read that:

1. he was born in the early 1800s
2. he was a preacher
3. he was on fire for God
4. there’s a Bible reading plan he created that’s still popular today
5. he died at age 29

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School will be an incredible experience and blessing. But I still fully expect the demands of school to test my relationship with God and the quality, length, and frequency of time spent with Him. So as best I can, I’m not going to add to these challenges by letting internet distractions keep me from prayer and the Word.

So with that, I need to sleep. Next week, I’ll post about my first two weeks in the Bronx.

My memory’s pretty lousy, so I only remember bits and pieces of my younger, summer of 2007 self before I started college. I remember my goals and my mindset especially. I wanted to have it all. I summarized all of it into a collection of S’s – smarts, strength, social, spiritual, etc.

I’m still kind of like that now. Trying to figure out how I’ll juggle it all or even if I’ll be able to juggle it all. And I think the sobering answer is an accepting “no, I will not be able to juggle it all “

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But this is the most exciting part. I think about how much I’ve changed and grown (for the better, in my opinion) these past four years. They’ve been a blessed four years, with a bunch of people and goofy circumstances that came into play to form my experiences which ultimately formed me.

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So I wonder. If the intensity of the challenges we face is proportional to how much we grow and mature, then I’m in for some serious growing pains starting next month. HAHAHAHAHAH. Hee hee ha ha ho.

I’m sure this is the case for all of us recent college grads. Whether it’s grad school or the work environment, both will be more challenging than college life. But since I’m going back to the equivalent of high school on steroids, I can’t help but smile

.

There’s simultaneously a sigh of relief and a bit of worry at the thought of making first impressions again.

At least this time around, unlike the first day of high school or even the first day of college, I feel more grounded and more comfortable with who I am – faults and all.