Snowed In

BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE

The snow’s like powdered sugar. As if God’s just coating us in sweet goodness. Specifically, the trees look awesome. The intricacies of branching and snow piled precariously make me think I’m in the middle of Narnia or something (back when it was still ruled by the witch or whatever).

Still, I wonder how people who have no choice but to drive or be outside are faring. Hopefully, well.

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LEECHBLOCK

Since the beginning of this spring semester, I have found myself on Gmail, Greader, and Gcal way too much. It’s almost as bad as when I had Gmail notifier in my desktop icon tray back in my first year of college. Massive amounts of time consumed, but nothing significant to show for it.

Soooo, a friend of mine introduced me to LeechBlock. So legit. I’m experimenting with this and will tweak with the settings until I find a good balance. Right now, my settings are to block the following sites Mon-Fri, 9am-9pm:

• www.google.com/read
• www.mail.google.com
• www.tennis.com
• youtube.com
• facebook.com
• wordpress.com

This should go well.

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AN EDUCATIONAL MOVIE

Since everyone’s snowed in, perhaps a sappy movie is in order. One of my all-time favorite Korean movies is Crazy First Love (has subtitles). I highly recommend it. It’s got the works of a classic Korean cheeser – love story, light gang involvement, and Korean slang. I won’t divulge into how I react while watching this movie, but let’s just say it takes you through all sorts of emotions in a positive way. Watch it, and let me know what you thought of it!

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I WILL READ IN 2010!!! MY PLAN

I finished 2009 disappointed in how much non-academic, personal stuff I’d learned in the form of books. Actually, 2009 was a pretty good year: 7 books. I read 13 in 2008.

This year, I know I can do more because I really want to read more. Desire leads to motivation leads to action leads to result, no?

Sooooo, this is my clearly defined plan for reading at least 10 books in 2010:

1. Read the Bible daily following this plan. Lists are my thing, and I cross off what I’ve read for that day. And in that joy, I usually read more than 1 day’s worth. I will definitely have finished reading through the Bible by November at least.
2. Read at least 15 minutes a day around 11:30pm. The perfect excuse to procrastinate homework and do something worthwhile. I have a cell phone alarm for this.
3. Whenever I start reading a new book, print an image of the front cover and post it on my bedroom wall right in front of my desk. I already said I like lists, right? Well, this stems from liking to collect things.

   When I was in elementary school and my brother and I shared a bedroom, my mom got us to put up our awards and certificates on our respective walls. By 6th grade, we each had quite a collection of perfect attendance, physical fitness, all A’s, and honor roll certificates. Props to Mom for teaching us to celebrate our successes.

   This is basically the same idea. It’s so easy to not follow through on our goals because we often forget we even have them. This little scheme addresses the latter issue. I dare you to make me forget my reading goal now. If you live in C’ville, check out my room time to time and see my wall collection grow    Right now, 2 book covers are up.

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12 CREDITS THIS SEMESTER!!! sweet

On Thursday, I dropped the second semester of pchem I was taking. That day, I went to my second pchem lecture, even though we’re into the 4th week of school. Why? A combination of MCAT studying and oversleeping kept me from going to class.

The material’s so math-based, and I have no idea what’s going on. So I will drop it now and take it my fourth year since it’s required for my major.

I am now down to 12 credits, my lightest courseload ever.

It. feels. great.

I have high expectations for myself since I have less academic stuff to worry about: consistent exercise, more social contact, more cooking, more reading. Even if only one of these four aspects of my life shows significant improvement, that’s cause for celebration. This semester is VERY promising indeed.

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WARNING TO SELF

It is most definitely a blessing to want and realize these changes in my life. As a father gives his son gifts to enjoy, so too has God blessed us beyond my understanding. But it’d be really unfortunate if the son ended up loving the gifts more than he loves his father.

Be careful so that this doesn’t happen.

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Real Superpowers

I AM SUCH A DUMB ARSE RIGHT NOW!!!!

It’s 1:42am, and I haven’t begun to prepare for my first office hours I have as a chem TA tomorrow. Excited about TA-ing? Yes. Scared that I’m going to get owned by smart students with penetrating questions? Uh, yeah! Goodness, I hope Prof. Harman doesn’t read this

THE REASON FOR THIS POST!

In the middle of doing something else, I stumbled upon my small collection of cards I received throughout the years. Always in the nostalgic mood, I plopped down on my bed and read all of them – birthday, Christmas, India, church-related, etc – even the rejection letter when I applied to be an RA.

The Christmas card from the uncle wasn’t moving, but some of them were very encouraging and awesome, even this second time around, inspiring me to rise higher and accomplish the things from those cards and (obviously) inspiring me to write this post.

And that got me thinking. In our world where the basics of economics (scarcity of resources requires efficient allocation = you don’t have enough resources and time to do everything you want) seem to constrain everything we do, affirmation/encouragement/uplifting words/love are the most beautiful EXCEPTIONS.

“Woops. Sorry, Sam. I’m all out of love and hope for you today.” Doesn’t that sound dumb? Yet from the way we treat each other, it’s as if we don’t have enough encouraging words to go around. So we ration them.

I’m not saying we actively stifle positivity. On the contrary, it seems we’re rather oblivious to this problem. On the other hand, we do seem to actively suppress and limit how much anger, hate, and jealousy we dole out (Thank God).

Thankfully, certain events do trigger us to encourage one another: a group project, a sports team, a retreat, and so forth. Hopefully, we won’t need such triggers anymore and just ooze the incredible power of encouragement uncontrollably. Sounds mildly gross, but I want to see that.

The particular cards that got me excited were the ones written by my second year Bible study leaders at the end of the school year. On stock paper, these two grown men showed great evidence for the attention and care they had for me throughout the entire year. They encouraged me to continue seeking God despite my faults and gave me affirmation that I’m on the right path and that they see God working in me. Simple, but majorly powerful.

I hope the “call to action” of this post is self evident. If it’s not obvious and you’re a guy, I’mmmmmmm gonna smack you….with my strong hand…and a loving spirit.

WHY BLOG?

I confessed to a friend today that I’m not even sure I could completely recollect what I blogged about last week let alone last month. But, we both agreed that even if you forget the lesson, it’s better having it written down than not having it at all. Plus, the act of writing can only help you retain your thoughts, right?

In conclusion, I highly recommend YOU *points finger* try blogging/journaling if you’re not already. Even if you don’t tell anyone about it, try it.

For me, blogging’s made my life feel like one giant John Dorian monologue in a good way.

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Rx for Insomnia: Blog

My roommate and I stayed up until 4am yesterday talking about…life, I guess.

As a result, I woke up at a healthy 1:30pm and now, I’m having trouble falling asleep.

Most people don’t know this, but I actively practice Getting Things Done (GTD) – a productivity system of sorts devised by David Allen. If you’re into productivity blogs (like http://lifehacker.com/ or even http://zenhabits.net/) at all, you’ve definitely heard of GTD.

Anyway, I’ve been working out of a modified version of GTD since my second year of college, and it’s done wonders in keeping me organized and on top of deadlines and the like. The downside, though, is that by virtue of the system, I have a crapload of stuff in my Project List – tasks ranging from “run the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler” to “figure out how to get primary care shadowing opp” to “learn how to make naan”. A lot of great stuff I’d like to eventually do, but it’s just so much! Plus, I’m still spending too much time managing the system instead of getting things done.

Today, I finally took inventory, sorted, and deleted some projects. For hours, I was like an ADD goldfish – while removing one project, I’d suddenly remember to put something on my GCalendar; while adding another project I’d remember to email a professor about a possible letter of rec. I’m like a baby – I have no sense of object permanence, seeing and knowing only the things immediately in front of me. Being compulsive is time-consuming.

More importantly, I remembered just now what the point of such a productivity system is and something my roommate said last night. The two are related, I promise.

The point I remembered:

The goal of any productivity system, then, isn’t to keep you focused on the tasks in front of you, it’s to allow you to direct your focus to all the aspects of your life when they need focus.

Goal-setting isn’t about adding more work. It’s about ruthlessly saying no to everything else. Productivity isn’t defined by how much work you do, but the amount of work you ignore.

Both of these quotes are in my Project List to keep me from turning into a looney.

The point my roommate made:

Both of us have been using the excuse of being too busy with schoolwork to pursue other life interests – namely, girls (not in the “get some tail” way). Butttttttt, we’re being really stupid if we really think we’ll ever have more time than we do now. If we’re supposedly so swamped and overwhelmed right now, what makes us think that we’ll have it together a few years from now?

As much as we both wish we were justified in this pathetic excuse, we both know we still waste time on absolutely worthless stuff. Do we really need to stress about preprofessional worries so much? Do we really need to watch so many tv shows? Do we really need to spend so much time in front of the computer in general?

You’ve probably heard this somewhere before: life’s a big glass jar (imagine kimchi jar) and to get the most out of it, you have to fill it with the big rocks (high priority, high yield components) first and then let the smaller rocks and sand fill in the gaps.

I want to prioritize better. I know the most important things I can get out of college are:

• a strong foundation of a relationship with God
• lifelong friends
• momentum and preparation for a career

Because I am rather unwise, I lack the first two much more than I do the third.

When I was in middle school, the orchestra teacher stressed that it means nothing for us to fulfill our weekly practice quota of 150 minutes in one practice session. She said we could take the same 150 minutes and get more out of it if we split it into 5 30 minute practice sessions. By practicing the first way, we were doomed to start back at square one in terms of skill and music familiarity week after week.

Consistency is key. I want to QT daily. I want to actively meet friends on a more frequent basis  instead of this once a semester thing I’ve settled into with some people).

The good news is, there’s hope. I feel like Obama during his campaign. YES WE CAN.

Indeed.

Lastly, on a totally unrelated note. Women’s retreat sounds like it was REALLY legit. I’ve heard only great things about it.

From a boy’s perspective, it’s true: a girl becomes so much more desirable and beautiful when she’s seeking God with her whole being – confident, ambitious, and joyful in who she is. I can only hope girls feel the same way about guys, too.

Women, thank you for your prayers.

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My MCAT Was Cancelled

I slept over at a VCU friend’s place on Friday night so I’d have a smooth, shorter (20 min vs 1 hr) drive to the testing center.

I woke up today feeling great – refreshed, relaxed, ready. I looked outside and 3-4 inches had already piled. I called the testing center and I got an automated message, something like “this testing center will be closed on Saturday, January 30 due to inclement weather.”

The trip back took me 5 hrs (took me a little over an hour last night). My car is incredibly weak and somewhere along the way, the left rear tire went flat. Low visibility, constant windshield condensing. I stopped under at least 3 underpasses to scrape ice off my windshield wipers.

I stopped another 3 times because my car slid out. One second I’m on the road going 25 mph, and within 5 seconds, I did a slow 180 and am looking straight the adjacent exit lane.

Four particular occassions on my road journey lifted my spirits, though. Presented in chronological order.

1. My car slid into the left “shoulder” (more like the road-lessness) off to the left side. My first thought was “someone might hit me” so I honked to catch attention for fair warning. It just so happened that there was a red sedan behind me. It stopped, and a cop stepped out! I quickly explained my situation, he took a quick look, and said “I can’t pull you out. We’re just going to have to wait for somebody with a chain to come along.”

   Not even a minute later, a truck pulls up beside us on the road, and the black driver says “I got a short chain = about 6 feet. You want me to pull you out?” So they pulled me out. The cop’s name was Ross. Instantaneously, road trouble resolved. Wow.

2. I got low on gas with about 14 miles left on 64 West until Charlottesville. I pulled out to an exit but couldn’t find a freaking gas station. Instead, I wandered down a clearly residential, farm-like neighborhood – in my opinion, the middle of nowhere. My car slipped and my car sunk off onto the right side of the road this time. A passing truck thought it was his fault and pushed my car while I steered it in reverse. He gave me directions to the nearest gas station and offered to lead me there. He’s also the one who pointed out the flat. The outside rubber (not even the tread) is worn badly.
3. I found the gas station, and the guy’s gone. The station looks closed, but just in case, I turned off the main road to check it out. What I thought was an unshoveled side road was just a dirt median. Stuck again. I tried reversing, low gearing, twisting the steering wheel just like the previous two times. No good. I got out of the car and waved down all the big cars that passed by. Most of them stopped, actually, but explained that they couldn’t pull my car out since their car didn’t have enough extra weight for traction (learned something new).

   A Tundra/other SUV passed me and stopped 20 feet ahead. He got out and the first thing he said is “what are you doing out in this weather?” I explained my cancelled MCAT and gas situation. Todd (the man) shared that it’s a sign from God not to pursue medicine. His wife’s a physician in the ER, and he was just on his way to pick her up. Said that doctors are the only ones working in a storm like this. Goofy man. Asked me if I went to UVA and what year I was, too.

   Todd guided me out, pushing the front of my car as I steered and pedaled. He told me where the closest open gas station was. He said he’d come back to this road after picking up his wife to see if I’m still there. He even gave me his phone number in case I still needed help.

4. I continued down that road (turned out to be 250) after Todd helped me out. Pulled into a gas station, filled up, and went to the air machine. Trying the air machine confirmed it – flat left rear tire. “Should I put on the spare now? Can I get to UVA with this without popping?” A big black guy and his wife pulled up their car to the air machine. “Do you need to use this?” I asked. “No, you got a flat?” he asked. “Yeah, but it’s no good. The air’s doing nothing or I’m doing something wrong.” He got out of his car and took the hose from my hand. With no gloves on, he crouched down and did what I should’ve been doing. He confirmed my newb suspicion – no good tire. He said I’d be able to get to Charlottesville with no problem. We ended up driving in the same direction. At a red light, he and his wife even rolled down the window from the lane left of me and told me where to turn and all.

Some legit nice people I met today. The drive was annoying and the test never happened, but everyone helping me was an incredible blessing in this storm and a strong encouragement. The fact that I slid and blocked the road perpendicularly a few times but never hit a tree, rail, or car despite my weak car and flat tire – amazing.

Now I face the work and skipped classes of these past week I neglected in the name of MCAT. Taking it today would’ve been so “perfect” in my scheme – I’d be able to focus on classes, the next step in the med process, etc. All would’ve been dandy.

Spiritual or not, you can’t deny that this is a growing experience. Yes, things didn’t go my way. No, it’s not life-altering. Yes, MCAT will loom over my head for the next two months at least. No, I am not happy about this.

If I let this minor setback make me whine and pout, what does that say about my priorities. What would such a discrepancy between my projected priorities and knee-jerk emotional responses reveal about the place God has in my life?

I think part of being human is to have some of that discrepancy. I’m pretty sure, though, that this discrepancy is not as severe as it used to be. And I can live with that.

Soooo, basically, I will try my hand at the MCAT again in March or April and life will resume starting tomorrow/today (Sunday).

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Optimism? Foolishness? Amaterasu?

I took my final practice exam today. Lowest score I got since I started hardcore study! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yesterday night, as I was scheduling my agenda for today, I remember thinking, “ok, if I do well on the practice exam tomorrow, it’ll mean I’ll enter the real exam on a good note – that I’ve shown improvement these past few months.”

And then after grading my exam today, I thought, “Eh, my PS subscore is unusually low, but my verbal and BS subscores are on track. PS was a just a fluke.”

So what am I? Optimistic for seeing the glass half full? Or straight up stupid for totally changing my reasoning? Either way, today confirms the blatantly obvious: my mood is like a like a freakin sine wave – up, and down, and up, etc. I just have to relax and hope that test day is an “up” day .

On a different note, staring at the computer screen for hours on end day after day seems to be taking a toll on me. While checking verbal (which I still haven’t finished), my eyes just felt irritated and dry. I had to close them for a few seconds. Thus, the reference to Amaterasu.

They say numbers don’t lie, and my numbers say this: I update this blog the most frequently when I am busiest. Goofy.

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Torrential Studying

I am awake studying. It’s raining outside a ridiculous amount. Earlier, the wind blew so loud I thought it was a shrill whistle. Scary trees.

I bought a book way back w/ 1001 bio questions. I had less than a 1/3 done as of this morning. You can guess what I’m doing now

Studying/sleeping/thinking/anything actually is generally more enjoyable to the sound of rain. But this rain is a bit loud.

…in the time it took to write this, I think the rain lightened up.

Much better

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Uno Mas Reminder

Similar to my previous post, time is a precious commodity right now. It’ll probably (and should) remain that way for the next 8 or so days. Heck, I intentionally napped 30 minutes after a 2pm lunch today. Otherwise, I would’ve probably wasted more time in a lethargic mode, organizing school-related stuff, mindlessly surfing blogs, fighting to stay awake.  Cut my losses quickly. That’s the strategy.

That’s also my current strategy for MCAT study. Do I really know know meiosis, renal function, optics, etc? No. I need to get smart about my studying.

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On a much more positive note, studying tonight is quite pleasing, actually. Maybe it’s the nap this afternoon. In any case, I’m going over practice problems about the excretory system and I can hear my thoughts so clearly. Pathways, logical deductions, cause and effect, physiology. Dare I say it? It’s fun.

And I remembered (about 10 minutes ago) that no one’s forcing me to study. Deep down, I enjoy this stuff. The material’s legit cool. If my life continues in this direction, I’ll get to do this everyday. I am happy.

It’s a blessing to enjoy what you do, and in the anxiety and fear of unhappy “what if” scenarios, I lost sight of that.

My reputation’s already built too heavily around the words “study” and “nerd”, so this shouldn’t hurt me too much: in a different time and place, it might even be fun to teach an MCAT prep class.

I know I’m pretty clueless and far from understanding and (most importantly) living 1 Corinthians 10:31, but this joy feels like a step in the right direction. If I’m wrong, do me a huge favor and call me out on it.

I want to write my 2009 reflection post and 2010 resolutions post! Deep breath, I must be patient and get through this test first. Wait for it, dear reader.

This semester looks SOOOOOO promising. More on that later, too.

Hope your spring semester is off to a great start.

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Reminder to Self

I am on an unacceptably extended lunch break right now, and I ran across this:

As well might a gnat seek to drink in the ocean, as a finite creature to comprehend the Eternal God. A God whom we could understand would be no God. If we could grasp him he could not be infinite: if we could understand him, then were he not divine.

C. H. Spurgeon

I just wiki-ed Spurgeon to find out who he was.

In any case, this quote reminded me once again of my (and many others’) arrogance. And knowing that I am unable to work out all the tough questions about God is very liberating: the burden of proof is not on me. Faith, I must have, but faith is a gift, no?

I neither have the wisdom nor the time right now to coherently talk about that topic, so I’ll cut the rambling there.

Time to get back to work.

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Final Exams Fall ‘09: Intermission

Take a deep breath. Inhale…Exhale.

Why? Because if you go to UVA, this is the last weekend standing between you and a school-free month of winter break at home. Personally, I’m curious to see how my brother’s grown from his first semester of college.

Also, there are no finals on Sunday, so everyone will hopefully be chill today.

I finished my third final exam (music theory 1) about an hour ago. I started “studying” last night around 10 after going out to eat chicken wings in celebration of Stanley’s birthday. 4 guys, 2 girls, 100 wings. Not bad at all. During dinner, I thought “dude, we should just buy like a 100 wings, have people over, and have a wings party.” 300 wings, 10 people. THAT would be a very very epic challenge. Now to find those fatties…or Koreans.

The reason for this post:

Watch the video. May it inspire you and positively influence all your future conquests. Or, at the very least, be mesmerized and take a break from studying.

Stanley showed me this video. His attempts last night were NG, though. It’s ok. Maybe the 2 beers he had (first legal purchase! ) messed with his hand-eye coordination.

Good luck with the rest of your finals!

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I Don’t Care

If you don’t know what the title refers to, let this educate you.

Suggestion: Have the song playing as you read this post. Do it. Do it now (and put it on repeat). Trust me. Heck, that’s what I’m doing as I type to you ahora. Let’s talk, you and I. I’ll start:

Thanksgiving break was nothing spectacular. Probably one of the best things from this break was that I got to see my parents. Each break is a reminder and an opportunity for me to see them, make fun of them, and just simmer in the presence of my most crucial teachers and friends.

I got about 2 hours of work done during the entire break. I think that’s why I was so pumped up and ready to jump into final exam study mode (and I do it gladly). I’m reminded of when Goku first goes to train with Master Roshi: study well, play well, eat well, and sleep well!  If you don’t understand, familiarize yourself with the classics now.

On top of that, this week so far’s been solid spiritually AND academically. And this song makes me so happy. I don’t know why, though.

After dinner today, I listened to this on repeat as I washed the dishes. There were some of my rommates’ dishes piled up, and I washed those, too. But that got me thinking…

I have a policy about dishes. I’ll do mine – no problem. But I won’t do others’ dishes unless I can do it gladly. No guilt-tripping myself into doing good works and no “I’m stocking up on future favors from this roommate” mentality are allowed. If I feel these thoughts welling up in me as I stare at others’ dishes, I won’t do them. Soooo…I don’t wash my roommates’ dishes too often

Today was a good example of when I’m allowed to wash dishes: It’s getting to be finals time. My roommate would be happy to not have to do these dishes. I’d be completely happy if I was a ninja and my roommate had no idea that I did his dishes. No recognition, no problem. Besides, I’m in such a great mood right now (listening to “I Don’t Care”) that it’d be a golden chance for me to listen to this song one more time before I get back to work.

My old man actually introduced me to this rule of not doing nice things for others unless it makes me happy. He taught it to me my second year when I had five roommates (read: a shitload of dishes). As selfish as this sounds, I try to stick by this rule of life. When I don’t, I feel fake, hypocritical, and often resent the person for whom I did the “good deed”. I end up expecting reciprocity. It’s a vicious, selfish heap of pathetic. The old man said something about how us trying to be the “good person” is what Paul was warning against when he said that we are slaves to sin and the law or something along those lines.

So today, as I washed the dishes moving to the tune of “I Don’t Care” I half-jokingly had to ask myself: what is the reason for my joy right now? Is it my recently renewed addiction to the Bible and prayer or is it this goofy song?

More seriously, though, do I love God for who He is or for the blessings He’s given me? Do I know what it means to love God? How do I inspect my own heart objectively? The questions go on and on, but one disgusting thing’s in common:

They’re all me-centric. At Servants Retreat, an older sister turned me to Hebrews 12:2.

²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I don’t understand this verse completely, but at the very least, I know this: even what I perceive to be my faith is beyond my control. I guess that’s why salvation is an act of grace.

Oh my, I’ve rambled for quite a bit, no? I started this post with the intention of sharing this 2NE1 song. You’re still listening right? Isn’t it catchy?   They took a sad topic (indifference and unfaithfulness) and turned it into a (dare I say it?) happy song? It’s like “hoo-rah. I am woman. hear me roar” kind of thing.

Whatever. It makes me happy

Kick ass on your finals. The harder we work now, the harder we play later, right? The more glorious the winter break will feel, right? That be the truth, my friend.

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